[ That's ... a lot nicer than most people are when Matt tells them anything even slightly adjacent to the infernal or supernal. He wonders for a second if maybe he could just come clean.
But one thing at a time. ]
That's a relief. Though I don't know how church-based this is. Cult-based, maybe?
[ Matt pauses, trying to figure out what to say next. There's too much! He can't sum up. ]
It's a long story. But I think the short version is
people who should be getting their psychological and medical issues treated are listening to a greedy fake exorcist instead
oh, so faith healer/medium but about having demons inside you.
it takes a special brand of bad guy to prey on people who are already down on their luck and desperate, but way to be over the top.
we'll have you on this. i don't see the others trying to shoot it down from the bare bones details alone, but even if they do, it's too late. i already said yes.
yeah, I can do that. I know the scene, I know the people, I know the occultism
I can't
lie
[ Matt seems to not realize that he's leading a pretty impenetrable double life and has been for some time, what with hiding the m-a-g-i-c from everyone he knows. ]
[ The pause on Matt's end is not the result of any apprehension. Rather, he spends a moment contemplating the phrase "extraction expert." ]
That's great! But I'm fine, I don't think any extraction's gonna be necessary.
I'm between classes, so I have a lot of free time during the day. There's a cafe near campus called Magnolia? I'm there a lot of the time anyway, if that works for a meetup
[ Okay. Time for Matt to rapid-fire calculate the etiquette of a situation he's never been in before! On the one hand: He hates to be any trouble. On the other: Maybe this would be llllless trouble? Like, maybe you're supposed to let yourself be extracted and/or served chili in one of these? ]
I never let a guy extract me before the first date
[ No, no, he deletes that before he sends it. Wrong tone. ]
That sounds delicious. And reassuring. But I promise, I'll be okay.
[ Don't worry, buddy, Hardison is the chill one. ]
aight, pick a time and we'll make it happen. i'll know you when i see you by then. privacy is fake lol
i'm not legally obligated to give you a heads up that we might end up relocating for security purposes that aren't technically an extraction, depending on what's what. but i feel morally obligated to tell you that.
thing about cults, man. they don't play around if they think they're getting their business put out on the street.
[ That is ... a strange combination of worrisome and reassuring. Like a little mini roller coaster on his phone screen. ]
I appreciate the forthrightness. I'll try not to be too shocked if I'm demi-extracted.
[ He's not sure how to reply to the point about cults. He suspects Hardison is right--after all, he called in help--but he doesn't want to jinx the proceedings, either by agreeing with the concern or dismissing it.
So in the end, he just types: ]
2:30?
[ And that's the story of how Matt comes to be sitting in his favorite cafe in a chair with a good view of the door, wearing a shirt that says SCANDAL AT THE CONVENT! and trying not to tap his foot so much. He's vaguely attempting to read.
Did he set up any protective spells or wards or anything? NO, DUH, these are the good guys! ]
Hardison walks in on time, give or take a couple of minutes. He's basically dressed like a hipster. Layers are his thing. Relocating base to be in Portland was basically the answer to his fashion calling.
Other team members may or may not have been planted early. Cannot confirm nor deny that.
And true to the prophecy, he does a little look-around and makes a beeline straight for his client. Zero hesitation. ]
Matt, wassup? [ He extends a hand. ] You got good taste in cafes, man. You know this place is big into sustainability? Their composting game is tight.
[ Every business is competition. But he might also be saying that because Eliot still complains about the composting setup in the brewery, even though Hardison knows he is right to have installed it. ]
[ Matt has actually managed to start reading, and is on a groove of a few paragraphs when he hears the voice. His head flicks up, and--
Oh.
Oh no?
Matt didn't really spend any time thinking what this guy would look like. So it never occurred to him that he'd be cute?? He extends his hand to shake, smiling in a slightly bemused way. ]
Ahh--thank you. Yeah, I like a lot about this place. Menu, vibe, wages ... environmental policies.
[ He closes his book and shuffles his things around to make a little more room. ]
[ Matt's smile fades into a faintly fretful expression. He's been thinking about how to say all this--in fact, he picks up a notebook from among his books and papers, flipping to a page that features a bulleted list. ]
Sorry, I'm gonna be a little--I just wanted to get everything down in a linear way.
[ He peers down to the paper, then back up to Hardison. ]
Okay. So I mentioned having some occult interests. I don't know how far I believe all of it-- [ Not a lie! A lot of this Western New Age stuff is not his cup of mysticism. ] --But it's a very interesting scene. Lots of people trying to figure out what it's all about, you know? What we might be missing.
Anyway, the Judeo-Christian side of mysticism isn't really my thing, so I might've missed the start of this. But somebody came to the Satanist meeting saying they'd been cured of literal, actual demonic possession, and--I think people wouldn't've believed it except they had it on video.
Things kinda went from there. [ Matt gives Hardison a rueful look. ] Who knew so many people in the greater Portland area had demons in them?
[ There is almost definitely a potent mixture of Eliot going "a frickin' Satanist meeting, Hardison?!" and Parker unironically mentioning she prefers a Santaist meeting in Hardison's earpiece. Actively.
He is ignoring it because he is a professional man. ]
... I mean, you buried the lead on Satanism meetings in there a little bit. Matthew. If you want notes for next time, it's good to put that in the first slide. My Nana just felt a shiver down her spine unprepared. Hate to do that to her.
[ Hardison isn't making moves to bail, though. Talking is the top key to processing uncomfortable moments in life.
At least it's not Westboro Baptist. They have different plans for them. ]
[ Matt's eyes go wide. It doesn't help that his brain is hardwired to follow Matthew with Harcourt Jamison you're in trouble now. ]
Oh, don't worry! They're not-- [ He scrubs a hand up his left cheek, over a faint hairline scar. ] Okay, this is hard to explain, but most Satanists don't believe in or worship Satan exactly? It's more like a reaction to Christian orthodoxy. I promise, they're not spine-shivering types. Most of them are vegans.
[ He huffs out a sigh. ]
Which is what makes this so, kind of extra frustrating. [ Matt takes a pause to breathe, get centered, and consult his notes. ] For the video I saw, it depends what you mean by good. There wasn't a smoke machine or heads rotating 360 degrees. It was more like ... highly personal vlogging, combined with an "exorcist" who wears leather jackets and promises things won't get too Jesus-y.
I think that's part of the in. He's not trying to convert anybody, per se. He's just alleging that malevolent spiritual entities are real, they can cause this whole slew of problems, and the way out is to let him exorcise you, and-or to participate in workshops to build up your psychic defenses.
[ Matt pulls out a slip of paper from between the pages of his notebook. It looks like a cross between a call for zine submissions and an ad for a yoga retreat, and after the "free initial consult," prices start at around $45. The word demon doesn't actually appear anywhere on it; instead, there are references to "toxic, harmful energy" and "spiritual vampires." ]
The actual exorcism was ...
I mean, he's using some interesting techniques, and the person being exorcised looks sincere. If you aren't necessarily a skeptical person, it seems like there might be something to it.
[ Hardison hears him out with full chin-on-hand, elbows-on-table attention. It's too late for Nana re: the spine shiver, but it's not too late to learn some wild shit he didn't ever think about before. The brain is only getting bigger. The knowledge pool can only be useful going forward.
He'll be updating Nate and Sophie on how cool they're doing as a 3-man crew in no time. Take that, mom and dad. Hope the honeymoon is pleasant, XOXO. ]
Gotta love the timeshare sales pitch for spiritual wellness. If by love, you "mean be sickened by", which you know I do.
[ He opens his laptop and starts getting his requisite poking-around avenues all primed up for go-time. Where there's flyers, there's hope. And probably a website or an e-mail or a mobile phone or a satellite to re-task. Whatever works. ]
Sounds like a pretty hot ticket place to go looking for marks. People who already feel disenfranchised, complicated relationship with the orthodox... pff, exorcist in a leather jacket. Man, you might as well roll up to a T.V. psychic. At least they don't prolly hypnotize you or something while they rip you off.
[ That's his bet. Hypnotism. Definitely not at all because he's still salty about the time he got hypnotized. (Okay, maybe about half because of that.) ]
[ In a way Matt can't name, or even consciously recognize, he's touched by Hardison's attention. Even the way he whips out his laptop mid-conversation speaks to an urgency, an instantly-taking-him-seriously, that Matt didn't necessarily expect. Not even from people who solve problems.
He frowns abruptly. ]
Wait, do you think that's happening? Is hypnosis a real thing?
[ Hardison's face scrunches up, the better to put his full distaste on blast. ]
Oh, it's real, brother. I got hypnotized into playing the world's hardest violin solo. Without any of my prior consent and knowledge, I might add. [ NATE. ] Y'know, it's a trust thing. It's about trust. You gotta ask before you start incepting a man. I'd've probably said yes, I wasn't on that job to embarrass myself. But that's--
[ He waves a hand. ]
It's not even worth talking about. I'm not gonna cross the job streams, that's unprofessional, I apologize. It is real and there are people it works on. Not everybody across the board. But some people.
[ Matt, sadly not a stranger to 'without my prior consent and knowledge,' looks pretty deeply concerned as Hardison shares this story!
The piece about the world's hardest violin solo is puzzling, but not the core of the issue to his mind. ]
Ah--
No, no worries. I don't think it's unprofessional--I had no idea there was anything to mesmerism or hypnosis or any of it. [ He frowns. ] I'm sorry about the way that happened. I honestly don't know if that's what's happening here; I don't know what to look out for.
[ Hardison internally votes that they keep this one. That's the appropriate level of moral outrage to have in these moments. Someone with sense about this specific thing that he has sense about.
And also very gracious about his consult getting very salty about mind games. He has good taste in cafes. He seems kinda weird, but open-minded and concerned with the welfare of strangers. These are all the facts Hardison needs. Matt is Good. ]
I appreciate that. Thank you. And I'm just keeping things on the table. There's a little bit of anything to everything, y'know? Even if it's not exactly what people say it is. [ The anything is mostly grifting. ] We start diggin' around, I wanna be ready for however deep the dirt gets.
[ Matt nods slowly, although he's not totally sure he understands. Ideally he doesn't need to, with Hardison around.
There is one point on which he feels solid, though: ]
Speaking of deep dirt ... is there anything I can do to help as this goes on? Like I said, not a great liar, but with time to rehearse I'm okay. And I have some subject-matter knowledge on all this occult stuff.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
h a r d i s o n <3
But one thing at a time. ]
That's a relief. Though I don't know how church-based this is. Cult-based, maybe?
[ Matt pauses, trying to figure out what to say next. There's too much! He can't sum up. ]
It's a long story. But I think the short version is
people who should be getting their psychological and medical issues treated are listening to a greedy fake exorcist instead
no subject
it takes a special brand of bad guy to prey on people who are already down on their luck and desperate, but way to be over the top.
we'll have you on this. i don't see the others trying to shoot it down from the bare bones details alone, but even if they do, it's too late.
i already said yes.
no subject
well that's
yeah, I can do that. I know the scene, I know the people, I know the occultism
I can't
lie
[ Matt seems to not realize that he's leading a pretty impenetrable double life and has been for some time, what with hiding the m-a-g-i-c from everyone he knows. ]
no subject
don't worry. we got professionals for that part. keeping things tidy.
when are you good to meet? we're between jobs right now, so the timing's right.
my man's a retrieval specialist if you don't feel safe to travel.
no subject
That's great! But I'm fine, I don't think any extraction's gonna be necessary.
I'm between classes, so I have a lot of free time during the day. There's a cafe near campus called Magnolia? I'm there a lot of the time anyway, if that works for a meetup
no subject
yeah that's fine.
you sure tho?
he'll meanmug you and all, cranky dude, but he's like.
solid.
best in the business.
makes REALLY good chili.
no subject
I never let a guy extract me before the first date[ No, no, he deletes that before he sends it. Wrong tone. ]
That sounds delicious. And reassuring. But I promise, I'll be okay.
no subject
aight, pick a time and we'll make it happen. i'll know you when i see you by then. privacy is fake lol
i'm not legally obligated to give you a heads up that we might end up relocating for security purposes that aren't technically an extraction, depending on what's what.
but i feel morally obligated to tell you that.
thing about cults, man.
they don't play around if they think they're getting their business put out on the street.
no subject
I appreciate the forthrightness. I'll try not to be too shocked if I'm demi-extracted.
[ He's not sure how to reply to the point about cults. He suspects Hardison is right--after all, he called in help--but he doesn't want to jinx the proceedings, either by agreeing with the concern or dismissing it.
So in the end, he just types: ]
2:30?
[ And that's the story of how Matt comes to be sitting in his favorite cafe in a chair with a good view of the door, wearing a shirt that says SCANDAL AT THE CONVENT! and trying not to tap his foot so much. He's vaguely attempting to read.
Did he set up any protective spells or wards or anything? NO, DUH, these are the good guys! ]
no subject
[ Professionalism at its finest.
Hardison walks in on time, give or take a couple of minutes. He's basically dressed like a hipster. Layers are his thing. Relocating base to be in Portland was basically the answer to his fashion calling.
Other team members may or may not have been planted early. Cannot confirm nor deny that.
And true to the prophecy, he does a little look-around and makes a beeline straight for his client. Zero hesitation. ]
Matt, wassup? [ He extends a hand. ] You got good taste in cafes, man. You know this place is big into sustainability? Their composting game is tight.
[ Every business is competition. But he might also be saying that because Eliot still complains about the composting setup in the brewery, even though Hardison knows he is right to have installed it. ]
no subject
Oh.
Oh no?
Matt didn't really spend any time thinking what this guy would look like. So it never occurred to him that he'd be cute?? He extends his hand to shake, smiling in a slightly bemused way. ]
Ahh--thank you. Yeah, I like a lot about this place. Menu, vibe, wages ... environmental policies.
[ He closes his book and shuffles his things around to make a little more room. ]
Thanks for coming.
no subject
It's no problem, man. You needed help. And help is what we do. [ Just try and stop them, "laws" and "wealthy CEOs." It simply can't be done.
Hardison snags himself a seat and pops the laptop open in short order. ]
Where do you wanna start?
no subject
Sorry, I'm gonna be a little--I just wanted to get everything down in a linear way.
[ He peers down to the paper, then back up to Hardison. ]
Okay. So I mentioned having some occult interests. I don't know how far I believe all of it-- [ Not a lie! A lot of this Western New Age stuff is not his cup of mysticism. ] --But it's a very interesting scene. Lots of people trying to figure out what it's all about, you know? What we might be missing.
Anyway, the Judeo-Christian side of mysticism isn't really my thing, so I might've missed the start of this. But somebody came to the Satanist meeting saying they'd been cured of literal, actual demonic possession, and--I think people wouldn't've believed it except they had it on video.
Things kinda went from there. [ Matt gives Hardison a rueful look. ] Who knew so many people in the greater Portland area had demons in them?
no subject
He is ignoring it because he is a professional man. ]
... I mean, you buried the lead on Satanism meetings in there a little bit. Matthew. If you want notes for next time, it's good to put that in the first slide. My Nana just felt a shiver down her spine unprepared. Hate to do that to her.
[ Hardison isn't making moves to bail, though. Talking is the top key to processing uncomfortable moments in life.
At least it's not Westboro Baptist. They have different plans for them. ]
How, how good was this video?
bless these con angels
Oh, don't worry! They're not-- [ He scrubs a hand up his left cheek, over a faint hairline scar. ] Okay, this is hard to explain, but most Satanists don't believe in or worship Satan exactly? It's more like a reaction to Christian orthodoxy. I promise, they're not spine-shivering types. Most of them are vegans.
[ He huffs out a sigh. ]
Which is what makes this so, kind of extra frustrating. [ Matt takes a pause to breathe, get centered, and consult his notes. ] For the video I saw, it depends what you mean by good. There wasn't a smoke machine or heads rotating 360 degrees. It was more like ... highly personal vlogging, combined with an "exorcist" who wears leather jackets and promises things won't get too Jesus-y.
I think that's part of the in. He's not trying to convert anybody, per se. He's just alleging that malevolent spiritual entities are real, they can cause this whole slew of problems, and the way out is to let him exorcise you, and-or to participate in workshops to build up your psychic defenses.
[ Matt pulls out a slip of paper from between the pages of his notebook. It looks like a cross between a call for zine submissions and an ad for a yoga retreat, and after the "free initial consult," prices start at around $45. The word demon doesn't actually appear anywhere on it; instead, there are references to "toxic, harmful energy" and "spiritual vampires." ]
The actual exorcism was ...
I mean, he's using some interesting techniques, and the person being exorcised looks sincere. If you aren't necessarily a skeptical person, it seems like there might be something to it.
these are the heroes gotham needs
He'll be updating Nate and Sophie on how cool they're doing as a 3-man crew in no time. Take that, mom and dad. Hope the honeymoon is pleasant, XOXO. ]
Gotta love the timeshare sales pitch for spiritual wellness. If by love, you "mean be sickened by", which you know I do.
[ He opens his laptop and starts getting his requisite poking-around avenues all primed up for go-time. Where there's flyers, there's hope. And probably a website or an e-mail or a mobile phone or a satellite to re-task. Whatever works. ]
Sounds like a pretty hot ticket place to go looking for marks. People who already feel disenfranchised, complicated relationship with the orthodox... pff, exorcist in a leather jacket. Man, you might as well roll up to a T.V. psychic. At least they don't prolly hypnotize you or something while they rip you off.
[ That's his bet. Hypnotism. Definitely not at all because he's still salty about the time he got hypnotized. (Okay, maybe about half because of that.) ]
no subject
He frowns abruptly. ]
Wait, do you think that's happening? Is hypnosis a real thing?
no subject
Oh, it's real, brother. I got hypnotized into playing the world's hardest violin solo. Without any of my prior consent and knowledge, I might add. [ NATE. ] Y'know, it's a trust thing. It's about trust. You gotta ask before you start incepting a man. I'd've probably said yes, I wasn't on that job to embarrass myself. But that's--
[ He waves a hand. ]
It's not even worth talking about. I'm not gonna cross the job streams, that's unprofessional, I apologize. It is real and there are people it works on. Not everybody across the board. But some people.
no subject
The piece about the world's hardest violin solo is puzzling, but not the core of the issue to his mind. ]
Ah--
No, no worries. I don't think it's unprofessional--I had no idea there was anything to mesmerism or hypnosis or any of it. [ He frowns. ] I'm sorry about the way that happened. I honestly don't know if that's what's happening here; I don't know what to look out for.
no subject
And also very gracious about his consult getting very salty about mind games. He has good taste in cafes. He seems kinda weird, but open-minded and concerned with the welfare of strangers. These are all the facts Hardison needs. Matt is Good. ]
I appreciate that. Thank you. And I'm just keeping things on the table. There's a little bit of anything to everything, y'know? Even if it's not exactly what people say it is. [ The anything is mostly grifting. ] We start diggin' around, I wanna be ready for however deep the dirt gets.
no subject
There is one point on which he feels solid, though: ]
Speaking of deep dirt ... is there anything I can do to help as this goes on? Like I said, not a great liar, but with time to rehearse I'm okay. And I have some subject-matter knowledge on all this occult stuff.